Spinning through the Mud of my Mind

It's 9:18, and I'm an hour ahead of schedule.  Not that there aren't a million other things that could go into that slot, but with the sheer volume of to-do's, I just need to decompress and let myself rest.

I'm telling myself that I need to go shower and then start packing again, filling every little minute of time into this whole move-across-the-country thing.  And I guess I will soon enough.  But right now, I want to sit and think.  Maybe it's not the right decision because, sometimes, sitting and thinking only makes things worse.  But other times, it helps me move forward.  I guess we'll see where it takes me today.

I'm tired.

I've been waking up at 5:30am for the last few weeks.  I guess it's the changing season and the early rising of the sun.  A hint of light slides through the window covering and my mind takes its queue that this is when we wake.  Instantly, the lists flood my head... the things I've forgotten to write down, the deadlines that are soon approaching and still not accommodated.  It's a lot.

Especially for a perfectionist.  I've tried - trust me - to let go of that.  It's like telling someone to just stop smoking.  Possible?  Sure.  Easy?  No.  A life-long battle?  Absolutely.

Normally, writing things down helps.  It helps to get things out of my head and not have to keep track anymore.  And that's still true.  But writing it down also solidifies it.  It's a quick, one-stop spot for the overwhelming amount of tasks on the plate.

And for some reason, my head feels cloudy.  Perhaps a little sludgy.  I can feel it when I try to think about moving on and accomplishing something to cross off the list.  It's like the gears in my brain are spinning through mud.

The worst thing is actually when I do a task only to have to add another task onto the list because of it.  Like the phone call I made today (which was actually the 3rd one to AT&T just so we can have fiber optic internet) that led to another phone call that I have to place after 11am, which will likely still not resolve the problem.  All for internet service?

Pin It