So, today is the 4th of July, and I think it's a good day to talk about freedom. So, there are obviously a few things that come to mind, ranging from gratefulness that I live in a place where I have a voice in my rulers to distaste that there is still more slavery today than at anytime in history... and it's in America.
It's hard to know which way to go with this post, honestly... do I play the patriot or the cynic? Or can I be both at the same time? I think I can. Yeah... let's give that a try.
This morning, I'm just sitting here in my comfortable city dwelling feeling happy that my kids are here, but entertaining themselves. And that my husband has the day off, but is still sleeping. And that I own things. And that it's sunny out, but not brutal (that one has nothing to do with freedom.... I'm fairly certain that they had sun in communist Russia.... although anytime I've read anything about it, my mental reel plays an overcast sky).
So... freedom. Yeah, here's the thing. While I'm sitting here basking in the freedom that I have, I can't push aside the thoughts that even in our country there are people who technically are just as free as me, but run up against systemic oppression and cultural barriers. I'm not going to go into it.... honestly because I have too much to say about it for what I want this to be today.
But I guess even with that reality in my near vicinity, I find joy in the concept of freedom. Because while our human ideas of free and, moreover, our human implementation of freedom are so flawed and unfair, it is a mirror. The desire for freedom that is in us reflects a truer freedom. We all seem to know that the freedom we experience should be more complete... that it should reach more people... that it should bring peace or come from peace or somehow in someway be related to peace.
The thing is that it's hard to really pin it down, but sometimes, we just know that something is not quite how it ought to be. We want something better, not selfishly, but for others as well. We who celebrate our independence today want to see the oppressed set free. (Not to get political, but really... can we not just admit that the people who support continuing military efforts in Iraq do so not because of oil, but because they do actually value freedom? Please don't think you understand anything about my personal political views based on that sentence because most likely you don't. I'm just saying that people I've talked to who support the war(s) do so because they truly do care that people be free.)
Anyway... there's this yearning... this hope for more... this understanding that the world is not quite right.... the idea that no one should be able to own someone, or politically enslave them, or emotionally enslave them. There's this truth that no matter what political system is in place, there are still people who are tied down by pain and abuse. And though they may have the right to vote, they are captives in their own lives everyday. So it becomes glaringly obvious that the government can only do so much and there is a deeper bondage that they are bound by. And we wonder.... Where is freedom for them? And why should I experience it more than they?
Freedom is a hard thing... and a messy thing... and a hopeful thing.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Why I Feel Like Giving Up
I feel like crap today, so please... just allow me this space to complain. I don't do it often, really... not in public anyway... and honestly, not in private as much as I could. There are so many things out there to complain about, but it is usually just futile to (1) care so much about every little thing and (2) voice displeasure over every little thing.
I usually save my private complaining for when Christians are selfish or when anti-Christians are ignorant. Or when either is uninterested in truly understanding each others point of view. As you can imagine, I have been doing a lot of complaining in the privacy of my own home with such hot issues as gay marriage and religious freedom court decisions. Because pretty much no one with an opinion on those takes any time to think about the validity of the other side. Am I seriously the only one who has an opinion but still understands why those who disagree with me do so? Is it too much to ask that we not all assume everyone else is a moron with their heads up their rears and that maybe... just maybe... it's okay for gay people to have the same legal rights as straight people and that it's is equally okay for Christians to believe that gay behavior is sinful? What is so hard about this?
But today... that's not even what I want to complain about. Today, I am crying a lot because being a low energy person is really hard.
There are so many pressures put on everyone by society. It seems really weird to me that we each individually yearn for acceptance and tolerance, but then we come together and make these weird rules about who holds value based on how much energy a person has.
If you are finding yourself saying, "What? That's not true!" Then you are probably a person that has tons of energy.
I have a medical condition called low blood pressure. I'm one of the few people that doctors tell to drink more coffee and eat more salt. I hate salt, but coffee is yummy, so I do indulge in 1 cup of caffeinated coffee a day. If I drink more than this, then my overly sensitive body will be up all night, and that only perpetuates the energy problem.
I have tried everything there is to get more energy. I have been vigilant about my sleep patterns, doing all the recommended tactics for falling asleep quickly - the lights dimmed and computers off an hour before bed.... the deep breaths and calming visualization techniques. I have been obsessive about my food intake - counting calories, carbs, proteins... eating organic, vegetarian, vegan, carnivore. I have released perfectionist expectations on myself and others. I have tried light exercise patterns, moderate exercise patterns, and heavy exercise patterns. I have taken melatonin for sleeping and vitamin D for waking up. (Why does spellcheck not recognize melatonin? No, Chrome, I have not taken melanin. I really do mean melatonin.) I have charted my time in the sun and fresh air each day.
All of this to no avail... still, I can count on needing a full afternoon of rest if I partake of two or more morning activities.
And it's frustrating... more than mildly frustrating... it is "I'm finished. I can't handle this. I just want to stay in bed and cry all day" frustrating. It's more than a little annoying to always be the downer at a get together... not because I don't want to be there, either (my introversion is another story). But simply because I used my energy for the hour and a half outing to the museum with the kids, and even after another couple hours at home and a substantial dinner, I just can't work up the energy to engage with my friends. I appear in a bad mood only because my body is done and the resources to smile and strike up conversation are gone. So, I sit alone, ignored... and then my mood only compounds on itself. After trying everything, it is hard to want to try anything anymore. When everything turns into a production, it is hard to even take the first little step.
And then, back to society. You know... people don't understand this lack of energy. And certainly no one attempts to help me overcome it by actually acting in any kind of positive way. People may invite me to things (although... honestly, not that often), but when I can't go because I literally can't get myself out the door, no one is coming over to just hang out with a tired, "grumpy" mom of 3. (Emotions are a weird thing, and people's perception of them are even weirder.)
It's not like I necessarily expect people to understand. I'm not trying to put all the blame on someone else, but I guess this is a very personal reiteration that most people just don't take time to know what other people are going through. Most people live their lives in their own bubble of experience with little creativity to be able to imagine what someone else's shoes are like. I'm probably guilty of the same thing simply by calling it out in others.
But maybe not because, if nothing else, this affliction that I deal with everyday has opened my eyes to accepting and accommodating differences in others, whether physical, cognitive, or personality-based. I feel like it has made me an advocate, of sorts, for the underdog... the person who doesn't fit in the standard deviation, but deserves a voice just the same. At least in my own head and in the privacy of my home. I am not usually the kind of person who speaks up.
So, I'm just complaining today. Maybe I want you to understand me... to understand why it's hard to engage and why every little thing that I do is an effort. Maybe I want to be appreciated for the effort I am able to muster and not overlooked because I'm not present enough. Maybe I'm being emotionally unhealthy because I have let what others require or expect or accept mean more to me than the fact that God's requirements are met and I am fully accepted by Him. He expects nothing of me and requires nothing of me. He just loves me because that's who He is and I am His.
I don't know what the purpose of this post is except that I needed to get this off my chest, and maybe I felt like this could help someone somewhere feel a little more normal or to help someone else be a bit more understanding of someone else. Or maybe, it's just my blog and I will put whatever the heck I feel like up on it and this really is just a rant. I don't see how it even matters, honestly.
I usually save my private complaining for when Christians are selfish or when anti-Christians are ignorant. Or when either is uninterested in truly understanding each others point of view. As you can imagine, I have been doing a lot of complaining in the privacy of my own home with such hot issues as gay marriage and religious freedom court decisions. Because pretty much no one with an opinion on those takes any time to think about the validity of the other side. Am I seriously the only one who has an opinion but still understands why those who disagree with me do so? Is it too much to ask that we not all assume everyone else is a moron with their heads up their rears and that maybe... just maybe... it's okay for gay people to have the same legal rights as straight people and that it's is equally okay for Christians to believe that gay behavior is sinful? What is so hard about this?
But today... that's not even what I want to complain about. Today, I am crying a lot because being a low energy person is really hard.
There are so many pressures put on everyone by society. It seems really weird to me that we each individually yearn for acceptance and tolerance, but then we come together and make these weird rules about who holds value based on how much energy a person has.
If you are finding yourself saying, "What? That's not true!" Then you are probably a person that has tons of energy.
I have a medical condition called low blood pressure. I'm one of the few people that doctors tell to drink more coffee and eat more salt. I hate salt, but coffee is yummy, so I do indulge in 1 cup of caffeinated coffee a day. If I drink more than this, then my overly sensitive body will be up all night, and that only perpetuates the energy problem.
I have tried everything there is to get more energy. I have been vigilant about my sleep patterns, doing all the recommended tactics for falling asleep quickly - the lights dimmed and computers off an hour before bed.... the deep breaths and calming visualization techniques. I have been obsessive about my food intake - counting calories, carbs, proteins... eating organic, vegetarian, vegan, carnivore. I have released perfectionist expectations on myself and others. I have tried light exercise patterns, moderate exercise patterns, and heavy exercise patterns. I have taken melatonin for sleeping and vitamin D for waking up. (Why does spellcheck not recognize melatonin? No, Chrome, I have not taken melanin. I really do mean melatonin.) I have charted my time in the sun and fresh air each day.
All of this to no avail... still, I can count on needing a full afternoon of rest if I partake of two or more morning activities.
And it's frustrating... more than mildly frustrating... it is "I'm finished. I can't handle this. I just want to stay in bed and cry all day" frustrating. It's more than a little annoying to always be the downer at a get together... not because I don't want to be there, either (my introversion is another story). But simply because I used my energy for the hour and a half outing to the museum with the kids, and even after another couple hours at home and a substantial dinner, I just can't work up the energy to engage with my friends. I appear in a bad mood only because my body is done and the resources to smile and strike up conversation are gone. So, I sit alone, ignored... and then my mood only compounds on itself. After trying everything, it is hard to want to try anything anymore. When everything turns into a production, it is hard to even take the first little step.
And then, back to society. You know... people don't understand this lack of energy. And certainly no one attempts to help me overcome it by actually acting in any kind of positive way. People may invite me to things (although... honestly, not that often), but when I can't go because I literally can't get myself out the door, no one is coming over to just hang out with a tired, "grumpy" mom of 3. (Emotions are a weird thing, and people's perception of them are even weirder.)
It's not like I necessarily expect people to understand. I'm not trying to put all the blame on someone else, but I guess this is a very personal reiteration that most people just don't take time to know what other people are going through. Most people live their lives in their own bubble of experience with little creativity to be able to imagine what someone else's shoes are like. I'm probably guilty of the same thing simply by calling it out in others.
But maybe not because, if nothing else, this affliction that I deal with everyday has opened my eyes to accepting and accommodating differences in others, whether physical, cognitive, or personality-based. I feel like it has made me an advocate, of sorts, for the underdog... the person who doesn't fit in the standard deviation, but deserves a voice just the same. At least in my own head and in the privacy of my home. I am not usually the kind of person who speaks up.
So, I'm just complaining today. Maybe I want you to understand me... to understand why it's hard to engage and why every little thing that I do is an effort. Maybe I want to be appreciated for the effort I am able to muster and not overlooked because I'm not present enough. Maybe I'm being emotionally unhealthy because I have let what others require or expect or accept mean more to me than the fact that God's requirements are met and I am fully accepted by Him. He expects nothing of me and requires nothing of me. He just loves me because that's who He is and I am His.
I don't know what the purpose of this post is except that I needed to get this off my chest, and maybe I felt like this could help someone somewhere feel a little more normal or to help someone else be a bit more understanding of someone else. Or maybe, it's just my blog and I will put whatever the heck I feel like up on it and this really is just a rant. I don't see how it even matters, honestly.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Mother of the Year
Yesterday, a friend linked to an amazing story of a 16-year-old birth mom who exhibited the ultimate show of love.
Those of you who know me or have read my various blogs over the years know by now that the prolife cause is near and dear to my heart. From a very young age, I realized the value of every human life and the horror that abortion is by its very nature of killing innocent babies. I have spent time working as a volunteer counselor to help women explore their options, and I've reiterated here several times that most women do not approach abortion as a choice, but rather as their only option.
So many women don't realize the resources that are available to them, but even with finances aside, our culture continues to shove abortion down girls' throats because of the stigma that still goes with the process of adoption. So a story like this one is a fabulous tool to change the culture of how we view motherhood.
But, hey... this is me... you know I can't just link to something and not give my 2 cents. (Although, honestly, this story is so powerful, it doesn't need any further explanation. However, this is me... and that has never stopped me before.)
So, the conservative message that we get from the pro-choice* side is that women should not be forced to ruin their lives because of a rape (less than 3% of abortions annually, by the way). The more liberal derivation of this message is that women should not be forced to ruin their lives because of a pregnancy - period. As in, whether it was consensual sex or not, no woman should be ever be forced to ruin their lives because of a choice they have made.
Wow... I kind feel redundant to even comment on this because that line of thinking is so obviously flawed, but since about half of Americans still think that abortion should be legal in some situations and 28% say it should be legal in all situations, there are obviously people out there that don't think through things.
The way I see it, there are two major ideas to be addressed when dealing with this mindset.
First, is the idea of ruining a life in the span of 9 months. Let's think about this. Are we so cynical in this world that we truly believe that having a hard time for 9 months is going to ruin our lives? You know what? I hated pretty much every single year of public school that I had after 2nd grade, but did my life ever get ruined through that 9-month period? No. Why not? Because I kept moving forward. I sacrificed my time and my desires for 9 months, and then I got summer break. Only to have to do something that I didn't want to do all over again for another 9 months.
I realize going to school seems like a trite example compared to all the difficulties of pregnancy. Trust me, I know. I had 2 difficult pregnancies and then decided that I never wanted to be pregnant again, even though I still wanted more kids (hello... adoption!). But the point is that 9 months does not ruin a woman's life. If the hardship endured for 9 months of pregnancy ruins a woman's life, then the bigger problem is her coping skills, her problem-solving skills, her ability to take advantage of the opportunities that lay before her. Yet, here we are, telling her that without any information about her body, her baby, or available resources, she is the best one to make a decision about the situation.
Now, I certainly believe in personal freedoms. But our freedoms can only go as far as not hurting those around us. I am not free to punch whomever I feel like because freedom is not absolute. When we are talking about harming another human being, we cannot simply let every person make their own decisions. There are some things that we need to come together and say, "No... that's simply not okay. In fact, it's so not okay, that we will make a law against it and lock you up if you do that." Murder is one of those things. And any honest scientist will tell you that abortion is killing a separate living human. So, perhaps, instead of us telling her to go ahead and kill without education, we could be teaching her some decision-making skills and some study skills and some marketable job skills. (Oh, wait... pro-lifers already do that.)
The second issue is this one about the stigma that still goes against moms who give their baby a stable loving home that just happens to have a different set of parents than the biological ones. What does a woman have to do to prove that she loves her baby if not exhibit a humble heart and admit that she doesn't know how to care for a baby or even that having a baby will make life too hard for her. Yes... having a baby makes things difficult. Women who parent their babies from a young age need family and community support. If they don't have that, then the likelihood of living in poverty skyrockets. Why is it not okay to admit that? And to say, "I don't want to live in poverty, and I don't want my child to live in poverty?" Isn't that actually a very loving and responsible choice to make? And if you can bless another family in the meantime... this is all win/win. Why is there still a stigma over this? These women should be heralded as heroes for their months of physical sacrifice, not to mention their years of emotional sacrifice. Somewhere, there ought to be a mother of the year award to go to a woman who values her child enough to let her live in someone else's home, as someone else's family.
We need to ask ourselves how we define "good mom."
When it comes down to it, I understand that culture change is slow.** And that's what we are dealing with. We (as in prolifers) desire to see an educated people with critical thinking skills and compassion. And that takes work. It takes hard, long hours to mentor, to teach, to invest emotionally, to share, to become vulnerable, to love unconditionally. And it's often thankless. There are a lot of people out there who will take, take, take. But we don't stop giving. We trust the process and, yes, many of us trust the God who created life in the first place. We don't take a woman's (or the taxpayer's) money and leave her to bleed on her own. We walk beside her and offer whatever we know that will heal her wounds - both physical and emotional.
We aren't perfect in it, but we are trying. And when we fail, we (hopefully) apologize and start again. Because every life is precious and 1,000,000 is too high a number to just shrug our shoulders and say, "oh well."
*See how generous I'm being? ... considering abortion supporters continually fight against bills that would educate about the biological facts of women's bodies, fetal development, and the resources available to enable choices of adoption and parenting.
**The good news is that while 50% of people still believe abortion should be legal in some situations, the last few years have seen the lowest percentage of Americans that identify themselves as pro-choice. And that is a good start.
Those of you who know me or have read my various blogs over the years know by now that the prolife cause is near and dear to my heart. From a very young age, I realized the value of every human life and the horror that abortion is by its very nature of killing innocent babies. I have spent time working as a volunteer counselor to help women explore their options, and I've reiterated here several times that most women do not approach abortion as a choice, but rather as their only option.
So many women don't realize the resources that are available to them, but even with finances aside, our culture continues to shove abortion down girls' throats because of the stigma that still goes with the process of adoption. So a story like this one is a fabulous tool to change the culture of how we view motherhood.
But, hey... this is me... you know I can't just link to something and not give my 2 cents. (Although, honestly, this story is so powerful, it doesn't need any further explanation. However, this is me... and that has never stopped me before.)
So, the conservative message that we get from the pro-choice* side is that women should not be forced to ruin their lives because of a rape (less than 3% of abortions annually, by the way). The more liberal derivation of this message is that women should not be forced to ruin their lives because of a pregnancy - period. As in, whether it was consensual sex or not, no woman should be ever be forced to ruin their lives because of a choice they have made.
Wow... I kind feel redundant to even comment on this because that line of thinking is so obviously flawed, but since about half of Americans still think that abortion should be legal in some situations and 28% say it should be legal in all situations, there are obviously people out there that don't think through things.
The way I see it, there are two major ideas to be addressed when dealing with this mindset.
First, is the idea of ruining a life in the span of 9 months. Let's think about this. Are we so cynical in this world that we truly believe that having a hard time for 9 months is going to ruin our lives? You know what? I hated pretty much every single year of public school that I had after 2nd grade, but did my life ever get ruined through that 9-month period? No. Why not? Because I kept moving forward. I sacrificed my time and my desires for 9 months, and then I got summer break. Only to have to do something that I didn't want to do all over again for another 9 months.
I realize going to school seems like a trite example compared to all the difficulties of pregnancy. Trust me, I know. I had 2 difficult pregnancies and then decided that I never wanted to be pregnant again, even though I still wanted more kids (hello... adoption!). But the point is that 9 months does not ruin a woman's life. If the hardship endured for 9 months of pregnancy ruins a woman's life, then the bigger problem is her coping skills, her problem-solving skills, her ability to take advantage of the opportunities that lay before her. Yet, here we are, telling her that without any information about her body, her baby, or available resources, she is the best one to make a decision about the situation.
Now, I certainly believe in personal freedoms. But our freedoms can only go as far as not hurting those around us. I am not free to punch whomever I feel like because freedom is not absolute. When we are talking about harming another human being, we cannot simply let every person make their own decisions. There are some things that we need to come together and say, "No... that's simply not okay. In fact, it's so not okay, that we will make a law against it and lock you up if you do that." Murder is one of those things. And any honest scientist will tell you that abortion is killing a separate living human. So, perhaps, instead of us telling her to go ahead and kill without education, we could be teaching her some decision-making skills and some study skills and some marketable job skills. (Oh, wait... pro-lifers already do that.)
The second issue is this one about the stigma that still goes against moms who give their baby a stable loving home that just happens to have a different set of parents than the biological ones. What does a woman have to do to prove that she loves her baby if not exhibit a humble heart and admit that she doesn't know how to care for a baby or even that having a baby will make life too hard for her. Yes... having a baby makes things difficult. Women who parent their babies from a young age need family and community support. If they don't have that, then the likelihood of living in poverty skyrockets. Why is it not okay to admit that? And to say, "I don't want to live in poverty, and I don't want my child to live in poverty?" Isn't that actually a very loving and responsible choice to make? And if you can bless another family in the meantime... this is all win/win. Why is there still a stigma over this? These women should be heralded as heroes for their months of physical sacrifice, not to mention their years of emotional sacrifice. Somewhere, there ought to be a mother of the year award to go to a woman who values her child enough to let her live in someone else's home, as someone else's family.
We need to ask ourselves how we define "good mom."
When it comes down to it, I understand that culture change is slow.** And that's what we are dealing with. We (as in prolifers) desire to see an educated people with critical thinking skills and compassion. And that takes work. It takes hard, long hours to mentor, to teach, to invest emotionally, to share, to become vulnerable, to love unconditionally. And it's often thankless. There are a lot of people out there who will take, take, take. But we don't stop giving. We trust the process and, yes, many of us trust the God who created life in the first place. We don't take a woman's (or the taxpayer's) money and leave her to bleed on her own. We walk beside her and offer whatever we know that will heal her wounds - both physical and emotional.
We aren't perfect in it, but we are trying. And when we fail, we (hopefully) apologize and start again. Because every life is precious and 1,000,000 is too high a number to just shrug our shoulders and say, "oh well."
*See how generous I'm being? ... considering abortion supporters continually fight against bills that would educate about the biological facts of women's bodies, fetal development, and the resources available to enable choices of adoption and parenting.
**The good news is that while 50% of people still believe abortion should be legal in some situations, the last few years have seen the lowest percentage of Americans that identify themselves as pro-choice. And that is a good start.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Work it, Girl!
If you read my last post, you knew to expect this one. If there's one thing I'm not, it's unpredictable. I'm a very predictable person. So... here I am, as expected, telling you about my working out.
So, also as expected, I have some goals for my working out (and my eating habits, but I'm not really going to address that here... ooooohhh... could that be another post? Will writing 4 times truly be that easy? Or will something happen that acts as a deterrent with which I must deal shrewdly before I can finally emerge the victor? Stay tuned!).
Anyway...
Goal 1 - workout 6 days a week. Since it's summer, this is actually pretty easy to accomplish because we have few obligations. So, I want to take advantage of this now, seeing as how I don't really know what the school year will be like with all the kids gone. If you don't know what I'm talking about then I have just one thing to say... did you even read my last post?
Goal 2 - lose belly fat and outer thigh fat. I'm being realistic here. I've never had thin inner thighs, and I've realized that I never will. So, why even bother?
Goal 3 - keep a well-balanced workout routine... meaning that I need to have muscle work (does anyone else always pronounce "muscle" in a Popeye voice, or is that just me?), cardio, and stretching incorporated.
So here's my plan for the summer:
I found this great channel on YouTube called "XHit Daily" and they post a new video daily. Looks like I'm not the only predictable one. So, I just do whatever video they post for the day. That way, I get lots of variety, but if I don't like the video I never have to do it again, which is pretty huge for me. I have spent the last 2 years doing a video series of 12 videos that rotate through a calendar, and I liked 8 of them, but for some reason, it was impossible for me to skip the ones that I didn't like. I felt like I needed to do them because they must be in the program for a reason.
After my XHit video (which can range anywhere from 7-25 minutes, also a good thing for me), I find an ab routine on YouTube. I do abs every day because they are important and they can handle it, unlike some other muscles that need a break in between workings.
Then, I do a stretch video. I just find a random one on YouTube. No big deal. I have a few that I've decided I like more than others, but I also like to mix it up to avoid boredom. Every so often, I put on Pandora and stretch on my own, but as I'm not a very motivated person, I can only do with every so often. I need that encouragement from a person on a screen who I have never and will never meet. I don't want to let them down by not following along. My main goal for stretching is to be healthy and eliminate pain, but I will also admit that I want to do this because I think it is hot.
(If you can't get enough of hearing about my fitness, might I direct you to this previous post about workout videos? It appears I have a very limited repertoire of subject matter.)
So, also as expected, I have some goals for my working out (and my eating habits, but I'm not really going to address that here... ooooohhh... could that be another post? Will writing 4 times truly be that easy? Or will something happen that acts as a deterrent with which I must deal shrewdly before I can finally emerge the victor? Stay tuned!).
Anyway...
Goal 1 - workout 6 days a week. Since it's summer, this is actually pretty easy to accomplish because we have few obligations. So, I want to take advantage of this now, seeing as how I don't really know what the school year will be like with all the kids gone. If you don't know what I'm talking about then I have just one thing to say... did you even read my last post?
Goal 2 - lose belly fat and outer thigh fat. I'm being realistic here. I've never had thin inner thighs, and I've realized that I never will. So, why even bother?
Goal 3 - keep a well-balanced workout routine... meaning that I need to have muscle work (does anyone else always pronounce "muscle" in a Popeye voice, or is that just me?), cardio, and stretching incorporated.
So here's my plan for the summer:
I found this great channel on YouTube called "XHit Daily" and they post a new video daily. Looks like I'm not the only predictable one. So, I just do whatever video they post for the day. That way, I get lots of variety, but if I don't like the video I never have to do it again, which is pretty huge for me. I have spent the last 2 years doing a video series of 12 videos that rotate through a calendar, and I liked 8 of them, but for some reason, it was impossible for me to skip the ones that I didn't like. I felt like I needed to do them because they must be in the program for a reason.
After my XHit video (which can range anywhere from 7-25 minutes, also a good thing for me), I find an ab routine on YouTube. I do abs every day because they are important and they can handle it, unlike some other muscles that need a break in between workings.
Then, I do a stretch video. I just find a random one on YouTube. No big deal. I have a few that I've decided I like more than others, but I also like to mix it up to avoid boredom. Every so often, I put on Pandora and stretch on my own, but as I'm not a very motivated person, I can only do with every so often. I need that encouragement from a person on a screen who I have never and will never meet. I don't want to let them down by not following along. My main goal for stretching is to be healthy and eliminate pain, but I will also admit that I want to do this because I think it is hot.
(If you can't get enough of hearing about my fitness, might I direct you to this previous post about workout videos? It appears I have a very limited repertoire of subject matter.)
Thursday, May 29, 2014
In For the Night
Aaahhhhhh.... It's 6:19pm, and I'm in my pajamas because I, my friends, am in for the night. To me, there are a few feelings in the world that I relish... a few moments that encapsulate the beauty of living. The sense of awe (and conversely, humility) that comes with thunderstorms, the unity found in the arms of my husband around me when I know I just can't do this alone, and the peace of slipping my PJs on while it is still light outside because I know I don't have to leave the house again.
I guess not everyone functions like I do. There are those who jump at the chance for any and all social activity. There are people who would even change out of pajamas to go out and partake in a spontaneous invitation. But not me... I find so much satisfaction in the knowledge that I am done for the day. I'm not sure what it says about me, honestly.
It doesn't say that I'm anti-social. I actually like people quite a bit. It's just that it takes a lot of energy to interact with them... even with my good friends who I would actually put clothes back on for if they showed up in town and wanted to hang out. More likely, though, they would understand that I don't really want to put clothes on, and they would have just as good a time drinking decaf in my living room.
I think it's impossible to be anti-social* while also being a stay-at-home mom. I don't think a woman who was truly did enjoy people could handle it. If I were anti-social, I would definitely go seek work in some factory or geek center where I could hole up in my cubicle and write code all day. Assuming that becoming anti-social means that loud, repetitive noise would stop bothering and/or looking at a screen all day would stop giving me headaches. Because those are both really good reasons to not take that kind of job.
You know what, though? I'm not into really figuring out what my habits say about me tonight. I'm more concerned with enjoying a little down time after a really busy (albeit fun) week. The kids and I have knocked this summer thing out of the park this week, which may just mean I've set up an impossible standard for myself, but I'm going to pretend that it is a forecasting that this summer will be awesome!
*I'm not talking about the personality disorder. I really don't know much about that. If you do, good on you! Please keep your information to yourself. I'm using the term in the vernacular. Gimme a break!
I guess not everyone functions like I do. There are those who jump at the chance for any and all social activity. There are people who would even change out of pajamas to go out and partake in a spontaneous invitation. But not me... I find so much satisfaction in the knowledge that I am done for the day. I'm not sure what it says about me, honestly.
It doesn't say that I'm anti-social. I actually like people quite a bit. It's just that it takes a lot of energy to interact with them... even with my good friends who I would actually put clothes back on for if they showed up in town and wanted to hang out. More likely, though, they would understand that I don't really want to put clothes on, and they would have just as good a time drinking decaf in my living room.
I think it's impossible to be anti-social* while also being a stay-at-home mom. I don't think a woman who was truly did enjoy people could handle it. If I were anti-social, I would definitely go seek work in some factory or geek center where I could hole up in my cubicle and write code all day. Assuming that becoming anti-social means that loud, repetitive noise would stop bothering and/or looking at a screen all day would stop giving me headaches. Because those are both really good reasons to not take that kind of job.
You know what, though? I'm not into really figuring out what my habits say about me tonight. I'm more concerned with enjoying a little down time after a really busy (albeit fun) week. The kids and I have knocked this summer thing out of the park this week, which may just mean I've set up an impossible standard for myself, but I'm going to pretend that it is a forecasting that this summer will be awesome!
*I'm not talking about the personality disorder. I really don't know much about that. If you do, good on you! Please keep your information to yourself. I'm using the term in the vernacular. Gimme a break!
Summertime - When the living's goal-oriented
Okay... who am I kidding? My life is always goal-oriented. It's not just summer. Before you get impressed by my goal setting ninja capabilities, you should know that anyone who truly knows me (as in, you know... i exist irl, and not just as a virtual presence), knows two things about me:
1. I use goals as a motivation because I am incredibly lazy
and
2. I rarely meet my goals.
BUT... I get a whole lot further along with goals that I would without them, and honestly (in case any future employers are reading this) I can be a really productive person when 2 very simple stipulations are added, which are as follows:
1. There is a big enough reward
or
2. I have to.
Quick example... getting paid to write is a good reward, in general. Getting paid $20 for full rights to 750 words, however, is not a good reward. True story. Someone actually offered this to me for some pretty good words, if I do say so myself. But if the price is right, I will say "yes," and once I make a commitment to someone else, I get a very horrible feeling about letting that person down. So, that is also a very good motivator.
So, let's add "#3. Feeling obligated to someone else" as the 3rd way I am productive.
Another quick example, back at #2... I have to eat to live. I do not like preparing food. Nor do I like the task of sitting and eating food. People have made fun of me for this, but it's just how I am. I can't help it. Anyway, as we all know by now, it is essential to eat if I want to live. At this point in my life (and hopefully, from here on out) I do have a lot to live for and I value life pretty strongly. So, this is something that can make me much more productive on the making food front. I have to.
Anyway... not really the point. Just the disclaimer because I do intend to attempt to secure some writing jobs, and I'm not foolish enough to think in this day and age that I can just put something out there on the interwebs without a potential employer looking at it. Oh, the glories of online journaling!
Whatever.
Here are my goals for the summer:
1. Write on here 4 times (1 down, 3 to go). I started small because, let's face it... I don't keep up with this here thing very much. Mainly because every time I write, I end up getting deep and it's just not good blog fodder. So, I'm going to try to remember why I like blogging (mainly because it's fun to be sarcastic and random. Did I just say random? Am I 14?), and then I will proceed to do that.
2. Exercise Monday through Saturday. I'm on day 4 of this, and it's going quite well. My second blog post will most likely be a run-down of my exercising, so stay tuned for that amazingness!
3. Be a fun person. Easier said than done for a melancholy like me, but again I'm on day 4 of this with only one grump session so far! w00t, w00t! (wow... see how fun I am? I just said w00t... twice! And I have used a lot of exclamation marks already in this post! Guys! This is seriously working! Go, goals!)
4. Enjoy my kids for these last days that I have them. Okay... while all of these goals are real, this is where I turn deep and serious. Queue the slow, dramatic music. I have homeschooled for 8 years. That's a full 1/3 of my life. (okay, it's a 1/4 of my life.... okay! a year over 1/5... shut up!) Point is that it's a long time, and now my kiddos are all going to school next year. It's a long story about how that happened, but it's happened, and it's happening... in just over 2 months. I will have no children in the home from 8-2:30. I kind of feel like Rapunzel when she first escapes from the tower. I mean, this will either be the best thing ever for our family or my kids will end up seriously screwed up for life, right? But for real, I will miss them, and I want to enjoy our time together.
Well, four seems like a do-able number. If I get too crazy, I might overdo it and end up just giving up. Better stop here.
1. I use goals as a motivation because I am incredibly lazy
and
2. I rarely meet my goals.
BUT... I get a whole lot further along with goals that I would without them, and honestly (in case any future employers are reading this) I can be a really productive person when 2 very simple stipulations are added, which are as follows:
1. There is a big enough reward
or
2. I have to.
Quick example... getting paid to write is a good reward, in general. Getting paid $20 for full rights to 750 words, however, is not a good reward. True story. Someone actually offered this to me for some pretty good words, if I do say so myself. But if the price is right, I will say "yes," and once I make a commitment to someone else, I get a very horrible feeling about letting that person down. So, that is also a very good motivator.
So, let's add "#3. Feeling obligated to someone else" as the 3rd way I am productive.
Another quick example, back at #2... I have to eat to live. I do not like preparing food. Nor do I like the task of sitting and eating food. People have made fun of me for this, but it's just how I am. I can't help it. Anyway, as we all know by now, it is essential to eat if I want to live. At this point in my life (and hopefully, from here on out) I do have a lot to live for and I value life pretty strongly. So, this is something that can make me much more productive on the making food front. I have to.
Anyway... not really the point. Just the disclaimer because I do intend to attempt to secure some writing jobs, and I'm not foolish enough to think in this day and age that I can just put something out there on the interwebs without a potential employer looking at it. Oh, the glories of online journaling!
Whatever.
Here are my goals for the summer:
1. Write on here 4 times (1 down, 3 to go). I started small because, let's face it... I don't keep up with this here thing very much. Mainly because every time I write, I end up getting deep and it's just not good blog fodder. So, I'm going to try to remember why I like blogging (mainly because it's fun to be sarcastic and random. Did I just say random? Am I 14?), and then I will proceed to do that.
2. Exercise Monday through Saturday. I'm on day 4 of this, and it's going quite well. My second blog post will most likely be a run-down of my exercising, so stay tuned for that amazingness!
3. Be a fun person. Easier said than done for a melancholy like me, but again I'm on day 4 of this with only one grump session so far! w00t, w00t! (wow... see how fun I am? I just said w00t... twice! And I have used a lot of exclamation marks already in this post! Guys! This is seriously working! Go, goals!)
4. Enjoy my kids for these last days that I have them. Okay... while all of these goals are real, this is where I turn deep and serious. Queue the slow, dramatic music. I have homeschooled for 8 years. That's a full 1/3 of my life. (okay, it's a 1/4 of my life.... okay! a year over 1/5... shut up!) Point is that it's a long time, and now my kiddos are all going to school next year. It's a long story about how that happened, but it's happened, and it's happening... in just over 2 months. I will have no children in the home from 8-2:30. I kind of feel like Rapunzel when she first escapes from the tower. I mean, this will either be the best thing ever for our family or my kids will end up seriously screwed up for life, right? But for real, I will miss them, and I want to enjoy our time together.
Well, four seems like a do-able number. If I get too crazy, I might overdo it and end up just giving up. Better stop here.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
How to Make Me Smile with Your Words on Adoption
Now, let me start by saying that I might just be overly sensitive. And in fact, I'm not even really hot and bothered, just consistently annoyed. But it rubs me the wrong way that every article or column I've seen about the Dylan Farrow/Woody Allen debacle feels the need to refer to them as "adoptive daughter" and "adoptive father."
I can't help but wonder how in the world this is relevant to the story.
Is it not quite so disgusting that he molested her (assuming it is true... an assumption that I am not making, by the way. I'm staying out of that aspect.) because she doesn't have his biological material in her composition?
Or is it that much worse because how in the world can people who adopt a child then have drama in their home especially surrounding said child?
To me, there just isn't a purpose for pointing out that she was adopted by him. Or that he is not the biological father. It's incredibly serious accusations that, if true, are of an utmost disgusting nature no matter what the legal or biological relationship between an adult and a 7-year-old child.
On another front, I've seen a lot of seemingly mean-spirited outcry about some public misspeaking when talking about the trans community. One was directed at Piers Morgan. Another at Rebel Wilson. Both of them, if we stop to hear their story seemed to think they were actually furthering the cause of trans acceptance, but neither of them were aware of the preferred language of the group they were talking about. It's a matter of ignorance, but not hatred. So, for involved parties to then open fire through twitter and the Huffington Post blog seems a little less than generous.
I'm pointing this out to say that this blog post is not written out of anger or an assumption that people are trying to offend, but only because I believe that education is important and is a strong partner with love as being the answer to so many problems. (I hope that wasn't too convoluted of a reference to Blessid Union of Souls, because really any time you can reference them, don't you think you should!)
Without further ado, here are some phrases you can incorporate into your mindset and vernacular, if you so desire to be inclusive of families who have adopted. I am not assuming you care to be inclusive. I'm just saying if you care to be inclusive.
1. "was adopted" not "is adopted"
According to the law, my son is my son with every legal benefit of my biological children. He is a full member of the family and is different in no way than anyone else with only one exception - that the legal bond is actually stronger than the one I have with the kids who have my DNA. That aside, he is completely the same from a legal perspective. My name is on his birth certificate and we got to choose his name.
The thing I'm trying to say here is that his adoption was an event, not a status or an identity. We have a shared family identity and he relates strongly to it. To continually refer to him as my "adopted son" or to tell him, "You are adopted," keeps him on the outside. There are enough other factors that we need to overcome that this language is something we try to avoid because we want him to know that we love him just as much as our daughters (one of whom was also adopted by Billy).
This one could seem a little nitpicky. After all, Billy and I were married at a specific point in time with a particular legal proceeding. But we still talk about ourselves as "being married." So, if this were the only thing that people say about children who were adopted, then I would let it slide, but they also throw in this next gem quite a lot.
2. "birth mother" not "real mom"
I can't tell you the number of people who ask me if I know anything about my son's "real mom." I'm a snarky little daughter-of-a-gun, so of course, I respond with, "I'm his real mom."
Let's go back to the legal information again. Billy was married before. There were legal things that went along with that. They had rights to each other's belongings and shared a cell plan. Then they got divorced, and he married me. Can you imagine if people asked us if we knew anything that's going on with his "real" wife???? WTF? I'm his real wife! Someone else used to be, yes. But she chose to terminate her rights to that title, just as a mother chose to terminate her rights to her child.
Some mothers choose to do so because they love their children and want a better home. Some choose to do so through selfish and negligent actions. But they all chose to birth their children, and for that we are more grateful to these women than we could ever explain. No matter how selfish a woman may have been after the birth of her child; no matter how many unwise choices she made, she at least made the choice to let her child live. She at least gave one gift. So, we want to honor these women. We don't want to call them ex-moms, as if they no longer hold a meaningful place in our hearts and lives. We call them "birth moms" because they chose to birth their children, instead of kill them.
Even still, I am the mom now (honestly, I would never actually call myself the "real mom" over the birth mom except in a sarcastic response). I am the woman who listens to this child talk non-stop day-in, day-out. I'm the woman who makes up chants to help him learn to spell his name. I'm the one who potty trained him. I'm the one who takes him to school. I'm the one that reads to him and bathes him. And I'm the one that gets to hear his "I love you"s. I'm his mom. And it's as real as it gets.
3. "my kids" not "my own kids"
I have many well-intentioned friends say this. They are often people who are thinking about adopting children in the future. So, I know that they are sympathetic to the cause, but it is surprising to me that this distinction is made.
It usually comes in the form of, "Well, we might adopt, but we want to have our own kids first." I get the sentiment behind it, although I will admit I don't really "get" it. I don't understand the fascination with passing along one's biological information in order to create a whole new being. I do know that it's an amazing thing to have a child grow in you, but I rarely think much of it on a daily basis. It's been years since that happened to me, and the only time it comes up is when a child asks where babies come from.
Again, this is a phrase that is used that segregates the family. There are the "biological children" and the "adopted children." The message is that they are not the same in the eyes of the speaker. But this is hurtful (even when it's not intended to be) because families who have adopted will go through great pains to love and acclimate a child into their family. Part of that often means being willing to change their family culture to accommodate the new child. Our family is not the same as it was before our son came to us. He has changed to fit into our family patterns, but our family patterns have changed to fit with him, as well. He is as much my own child and as much as part of this family as anyone.
Rule of thumb: Think about the person as a full person and the family as a whole family.
When you need to speak about the adoption (which, honestly, does probably not need to happen every time a conversation with or about the family is started), please remember that we are people first and a family first. The adoption is secondary.
This also, as a side note, goes for other ideas like disabilities. People first. Disabilities second.
"Children in foster care" not "Foster child"
"Baby with down's syndrome" not "Down's syndrome baby"
You get the idea....
I can't help but wonder how in the world this is relevant to the story.
Is it not quite so disgusting that he molested her (assuming it is true... an assumption that I am not making, by the way. I'm staying out of that aspect.) because she doesn't have his biological material in her composition?
Or is it that much worse because how in the world can people who adopt a child then have drama in their home especially surrounding said child?
To me, there just isn't a purpose for pointing out that she was adopted by him. Or that he is not the biological father. It's incredibly serious accusations that, if true, are of an utmost disgusting nature no matter what the legal or biological relationship between an adult and a 7-year-old child.
On another front, I've seen a lot of seemingly mean-spirited outcry about some public misspeaking when talking about the trans community. One was directed at Piers Morgan. Another at Rebel Wilson. Both of them, if we stop to hear their story seemed to think they were actually furthering the cause of trans acceptance, but neither of them were aware of the preferred language of the group they were talking about. It's a matter of ignorance, but not hatred. So, for involved parties to then open fire through twitter and the Huffington Post blog seems a little less than generous.
I'm pointing this out to say that this blog post is not written out of anger or an assumption that people are trying to offend, but only because I believe that education is important and is a strong partner with love as being the answer to so many problems. (I hope that wasn't too convoluted of a reference to Blessid Union of Souls, because really any time you can reference them, don't you think you should!)
Without further ado, here are some phrases you can incorporate into your mindset and vernacular, if you so desire to be inclusive of families who have adopted. I am not assuming you care to be inclusive. I'm just saying if you care to be inclusive.
1. "was adopted" not "is adopted"
According to the law, my son is my son with every legal benefit of my biological children. He is a full member of the family and is different in no way than anyone else with only one exception - that the legal bond is actually stronger than the one I have with the kids who have my DNA. That aside, he is completely the same from a legal perspective. My name is on his birth certificate and we got to choose his name.
The thing I'm trying to say here is that his adoption was an event, not a status or an identity. We have a shared family identity and he relates strongly to it. To continually refer to him as my "adopted son" or to tell him, "You are adopted," keeps him on the outside. There are enough other factors that we need to overcome that this language is something we try to avoid because we want him to know that we love him just as much as our daughters (one of whom was also adopted by Billy).
This one could seem a little nitpicky. After all, Billy and I were married at a specific point in time with a particular legal proceeding. But we still talk about ourselves as "being married." So, if this were the only thing that people say about children who were adopted, then I would let it slide, but they also throw in this next gem quite a lot.
2. "birth mother" not "real mom"
I can't tell you the number of people who ask me if I know anything about my son's "real mom." I'm a snarky little daughter-of-a-gun, so of course, I respond with, "I'm his real mom."
Let's go back to the legal information again. Billy was married before. There were legal things that went along with that. They had rights to each other's belongings and shared a cell plan. Then they got divorced, and he married me. Can you imagine if people asked us if we knew anything that's going on with his "real" wife???? WTF? I'm his real wife! Someone else used to be, yes. But she chose to terminate her rights to that title, just as a mother chose to terminate her rights to her child.
Some mothers choose to do so because they love their children and want a better home. Some choose to do so through selfish and negligent actions. But they all chose to birth their children, and for that we are more grateful to these women than we could ever explain. No matter how selfish a woman may have been after the birth of her child; no matter how many unwise choices she made, she at least made the choice to let her child live. She at least gave one gift. So, we want to honor these women. We don't want to call them ex-moms, as if they no longer hold a meaningful place in our hearts and lives. We call them "birth moms" because they chose to birth their children, instead of kill them.
Even still, I am the mom now (honestly, I would never actually call myself the "real mom" over the birth mom except in a sarcastic response). I am the woman who listens to this child talk non-stop day-in, day-out. I'm the woman who makes up chants to help him learn to spell his name. I'm the one who potty trained him. I'm the one who takes him to school. I'm the one that reads to him and bathes him. And I'm the one that gets to hear his "I love you"s. I'm his mom. And it's as real as it gets.
3. "my kids" not "my own kids"
I have many well-intentioned friends say this. They are often people who are thinking about adopting children in the future. So, I know that they are sympathetic to the cause, but it is surprising to me that this distinction is made.
It usually comes in the form of, "Well, we might adopt, but we want to have our own kids first." I get the sentiment behind it, although I will admit I don't really "get" it. I don't understand the fascination with passing along one's biological information in order to create a whole new being. I do know that it's an amazing thing to have a child grow in you, but I rarely think much of it on a daily basis. It's been years since that happened to me, and the only time it comes up is when a child asks where babies come from.
Again, this is a phrase that is used that segregates the family. There are the "biological children" and the "adopted children." The message is that they are not the same in the eyes of the speaker. But this is hurtful (even when it's not intended to be) because families who have adopted will go through great pains to love and acclimate a child into their family. Part of that often means being willing to change their family culture to accommodate the new child. Our family is not the same as it was before our son came to us. He has changed to fit into our family patterns, but our family patterns have changed to fit with him, as well. He is as much my own child and as much as part of this family as anyone.
Rule of thumb: Think about the person as a full person and the family as a whole family.
When you need to speak about the adoption (which, honestly, does probably not need to happen every time a conversation with or about the family is started), please remember that we are people first and a family first. The adoption is secondary.
This also, as a side note, goes for other ideas like disabilities. People first. Disabilities second.
"Children in foster care" not "Foster child"
"Baby with down's syndrome" not "Down's syndrome baby"
You get the idea....
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