I've posted a couple of things on facebook recently about goals. But because I more recently deactivated my account, I can't access them. Story of my life.
Well, here's the thing. I think on the surface the two things seem contrary. One is an encouragement to shift goals to something that makes a good story. Something along the lines of "if a movie were made from your pursuit of your goals, and it wouldn't make for a compelling movie, change your goals." The other quote was a bit different. More like "don't let goals take the place of relationships."
Maybe in reality, these two things are the same. After all, the stories that we all love are the ones that are relationship-driven, aren't they? But I'm not really here to talk about relationships.
I'm here to talk about guilt.
And the fact that, lately, my goals have been nothing more than a source of it.
I think goals can be a good thing. They bring focus. They bring a sense of accomplishment. They force us to state our priorities in a tangible way. But goals in the wrong context also brings stress, anxiety, overbearing emotional weight. And for me, right now, it's the wrong context for goals.
We recently moved across the country, and I went from full-speed-ahead preparation mode to trying to settle into this new town, new lifestyle, new (small) apartment with children underfoot 24/7. I'm not complaining about being a mom here (I do that plenty, just not here). I'm simply saying that my life for the last 4 months has been full of goals. Full of deadlines. Full of tension, stress, worry, tears.
And school starts in 2 days.
Right now, I am questioning how in the world I ever homeschooled children. It seems an impossible task. And this is how I know that right now, my goals will take a backseat to breathing. I am not shifting my goals from moving tasks to relationship building. I am completely 100% letting go of goals and feeling amazing over it.
This doesn't mean that I don't still have priorities. It means that I am saving up my energies so that when kids come home from school and Billy comes home from work, I can be happy about it, rather than miffed that I "accomplished" all day and haven't had a spare moment. It means I am good with the idea of caring for myself emotionally and physically without making it a measurable item on a list.
It means, most of all, that I just want a little time to simply live and not always do.
