Dear Dave Thomas, Founder of Wendy's:
You could have never known when you opened your restaurant decades ago that one day, you would make me the happiest lady in Dublin with just a simple menu addition. I suppose you will still never know because 1) you are dead and 2) due to #1, you will never see this. Unless my theology is all wrong and you are actually sitting on a cloud with a harp looking down at the earth watching people enjoy your food. Then, perhaps you already know this because maybe you happened to be tuned in to my local Wendy's last Saturday at lunch time.
How does that work? Do you rotate through the restaurants to see people enjoying your food across the US, or do you just kind of go, "Oh, it's been a while since I honed in on Dublin, CA. I should see what they're up to," the same way I do with my facebook friends whom I've hidden from my feed? (Did you see that elegant use of "whom"? Not to brag or anything, but I did happen to use it correctly, and imho, non-pretentiously. Does my boasting about my non-pretentiousness counteract that?)
Regardless, I'll save my theological musings for another day, although perhaps someone in your fine organization is an angel for coming up with the new 4 for $4 meal deal, which I can't help but think was devised because someone's hand was super glued to the 4 key of their computer. (You know you're looking at your keyboard now and realizing that you can type "4 for $4" without moving your finger as long as you ghettofy it and substitute 4 in place of for, which I personally would never do, even for the sake of example.)
Anyway... your successors to the Wendy's throne are benevolent. They've understood that the big question I face when I go to Wendy's is whether I want to commit to an Old-Fashioned Hamburger or a set of chicken nuggets that is of slightly higher quality than Tyson's. This used to not be an issue for me. I was content to pack on the pounds in middle school with a thrice weekly chicken nugget kid's meal, complete with fries and a Frosty. This cost $2.32 back in the day. I would tell you to ask me how I know that, but I think you are probably smart enough to realize that someone who literally ate that 3x a week for 2 years will come to memorize the price and be particularly defeated on the day when she ordered the same meal for her children only to be told it was more than twice that price. And just in case you weren't smart enough to realize that, refer to previous sentence for the answer to the question of how I knew that.
These days, I've developed a penchant for bacon cheeseburgers, much to my chagrin, as I am typically disgusted by the thought of eating pigs. So, when I go to Wendy's or anywhere really, it's hard to make up my mind. It's rough, the life I live.
But alas, Dave.... in your finite wisdom and understanding, you set in motion a lineage that had me, your faithful customer, in mind and they have come up with the 4 for $4 deal, which allows me all the choices I can never choose between in one complete, cheap package. A Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, a 4-piece Chicken Nugget, a Small Fry, and a drink (which can upgrade to a Frosty with no extra charge, what!).
So, I thank you, dearly departed Dave. For you not only educated the country on the value of adoption, but you started the fast food chain that is least likely to make me regret all my decisions for the 4 hours following my meal.
You, sir, deserve more than I can give for what you've given me. Although I suppose the fact that I have had to work consistently for the last 20 years to keep off all the weight I put on from your meals probably makes us about even.
Enjoy your cloud!
