Since our family is on the verge of very big change, I'm had lots of occasion to do some deep soul searching and questioning. Actually, let me rephrase that. I've had many occasions when the concept of needing to do deep soul searching and questioning has come to mind.
The fact is that I still have 3 kids surrounding me day in/day out, and two of those are of the constantly underfoot variety. So, I haven't yet done much of the said searching or questioning.
I did, however, have a couple of conversations recently that have been both very helpful and very sigh-inducing. I tend to be the kind of person who always wants depth. So, a cursory conversation can be encouraging, for sure. But it always raises so much more than it answers.
But this is all just side note to my real point, which is this: it's time to focus.
I've been playing with the idea of what I will do with my time once the kids are in school 7+ hours a day. Since I've never experienced this, I have limited idea of how much I will be able to cram in or if I'll have any energy to cram at all. I'm hoping and praying that, once the kids go to school, my personal stress levels will lower and this will allow me to accomplish more from my personal passion list than I've been able to before.
I've always tried to look at homeschooling as a worthy sacrifice. It was something that I did for the benefit of my kids because I believed it to be the best option for them. But, let's face it, homeschooling 2 kids full time and 1 kid part-time (Little B went to preschool half days) is a job. It's not floating on a cloud and eating bon-bons. Sure, I enjoyed it a lot ... but it is a sacrifice.
So, now, I face the challenge of having so many pent up desires, all of which are worthy. But certainly, I can't accomplish them all. In the next few weeks, I'll be going through my hopes and coming up with a personal grid of what I can say "yes" to. And it means I'll say "no" to other things.
Here's some concrete stuff I'm thinking of. I have thought about...
returning to the freelance world...
and continuing with language learning...
and starting a cooking class for women on food stamps...
and taking art classes...
and continuing with dance...
and joining in organizing a new tutoring program in Title 1 schools nearby...
and volunteering in my own kids' schools...
and going back to counsel women seeking help making important life and death decisions...
and starting a rental company that serves low income families with rent subsidies based on positive life choices...
and working out...
and making more food from scratch...
and raising chickens...
and painting the house...
and resting...
and fostering a healthy spiritual life in myself and my kids...
But c'mon! I only have 7 hours a day while the kids are in school. I can't do it all. Or maybe I could and it would all be done crappily. So, I have a lot of thinking to do about what my priorities and goals are and what I can say "yes" to.
No comments:
Post a Comment