Yesterday, I mentioned that one of my personal favorite phrases is this: It is what it is.
Some others don't like it. I've run into an inordinate amount of people with not only an "eh, it's not for me" attitude, but an utter deep-seeded hatred for the phrase.
These people tend to also hate the phrase, "Agree to disagree." But I really like this one, as well.
To me, these phrases are reminders that I have limited control over the world around me and that accepting the things I can't change makes for a smoother life.
For a long time, much longer than I'd like to admit and certainly much longer than was good for me, I believed that acceptance was an odd combination of conceding, giving up, and acknowledging value. I don't believe that anymore, though I'm not sure how to explain what I do believe because in some ways there is an underlying notion that conceding, giving up, and acknowledging value is exactly what I do when I accept something.
But it's different, somehow.
Now, it's more like a concession that the person I'm engaged with in the moment is more important than making sure they know I'm right. It's like giving up on the idea that I have any power over anyone or anything other than myself, and it's an acknowledgement that value is inherent in so many things regardless of whether I agree with an idea.
In reality, it's not always that easy, particularly when it comes to people who are in my daily life, whose lives are intertwined with my own and whose beliefs (and therefore actions) affect me. But I've been learning that setting a personal boundary is different than rejecting a person, just as accepting a person doesn't mean that I have to agree with them.
It really is okay to agree to disagree. It doesn't mean that both beliefs are equally right (although they could be). It just means that both people are equally valuable, and that sometimes (oftentimes) the value of a human is more pressing than ensuring that we're all on the same page with belief.
I think the problem with disagreements come in when we start vilifying those who have a different take on the world - be it politics, religion, lifestyle choices. Regardless of the differences, there's still the basic fact that most people come to their beliefs from an authentic place. Most people believe something to be important and find their own conclusions stemming from this belief. Sometimes, people with vastly different logistics actually believe the same underlying principles.
Quick example: Billy and I have different conclusions about the limits and extensions of free speech. But we both come from a place of inclusivity and valuing the individual.
Oh, well. What can I say, we're each a work in progress.
Now that's a phrase I do actually hate.
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